Alive

I feel like I’ve wasted an entire lifetime,

On choices that weren’t mine to make.

I  feel like this person I’ve become,

Is a stranger I wouldn’t deign to look at,

If she weren’t wearing my face.

I feel like my inner compass is broken,

I’m swiveling unhinged, uncontrollably,

In blinding dust storms that reek of sulfurous dread.

I feel like I’m at the cusp of something,

But that something is faceless, shapeless, nameless.

I feel these adjectives – directionless, aimless, hopeless, pitiful,

I am their personification.

I feel like the bonds I’ve forged with those I know, or thought I did,

Aren’t bonds but shackles that suffocate the life force in me.

I feel mistaken, misshapen, angry, annoyed,

Reckless, destructive, disoriented and crude.

I feel a loss so all-encompassing,

It swallows me whole like a bottomless abyss.

I fear everything and nothing in particular,

I’m not suicidal, but I can’t wait to die,

Start over as someone, something else, in another promising life.

I want to leave this shroud of skin and sinew behind,

Roam unfettered into the ether and beyond;

Unclaimed, unchained, unprovoked, unreal.

I want the answers to the questions that have been withheld

Just beyond my reach.

I want to feel,

I want to breathe,

I want to create,

I want to conceive,

In short,

‘Alive’ is what I want to be.


18555851_100676450514066_4494546682437471084_n.jpgCopyright ©2017 by Pradita Kapahi.

All rights reserved.

Image Credits: fantasiesandlullabies

65 thoughts on “Alive

    • Thanks a lot Radhika. I think most of us can relate to this because we have to live, how you put it correctly, according to others…. Some of us have to do it to the point that it chokes us. It’s sad when we waste our lives over others who won’t do the same for us. Thank you for reading and appreciating 😊

      Like

  1. “I feel like I’m at the cusp of something,
    But that something is faceless, shapeless, nameless.”
    This struck something deep within me.
    Beautiful poem. Your writing is a lot like what I dream to write myself one day. Keep it up ! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I want to leave this shroud of skin and sinew behind,
    Roam unfettered into the ether and beyond;
    Unclaimed, unchained, unprovoked, unreal.

    Woah😮 After reading it I was like “Yeah, me too. If such place really exists then take me too!” Loved it, Pradita! 💕

    Liked by 1 person

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