Ever faced a situation when someone asks you a very, very obvious question and you itch to give them a nasty answer to make them realise that they’re being Captain Obvious? You start wondering why would they even choose such words when there are a thousand different ways of making a comment just for the heck of it. Then you start wondering that maybe it isn’t their fault. Maybe it’s because this tradition-of-asking-silly-questions is like a bad hand-me-down from our previous generations. Maybe we ask such questions as fillers or conversation starters. But even then, why not start a conversation with a more intelligent question? Hmmm?
No? Never faced that problem?!
Here’s me asking you a very obvious question –
Do these questions ring a bell?
⇒ When you enter a shop, looking for something –
Can I help you?
No! I just came to stare at your goods.
⇒ When you are talking to the only person standing before you –
Are you talking to me?
No! I was talking to my pet ghost who’s standing next to you.
⇒ Someone enters an obviously abandoned/empty place and calls out –
Unless you know someone named ‘anyone’, this lame question just doesn’t make sense.
⇒ Then there’s the corollary to the above, that we use when someone we know has just returned home (it doesn’t matter even if they’ve just announced ‘I’m home’ loudly enough) –
Are you back?
Nah, that was just my doppelganger you saw leaving.
⇒ When someone tries to show you that they’re offended by what you did –
Who do you think you are?
I think I may be a lot of things, but lets just start with ‘I’m who my parents named me’.
⇒ Then when someone tries to act important –
Don’t you know who I am?
Why? You forgot who you are? What a shame!
⇒ This rhetorical question that needs no explanation –
Because you’re the only loser absolutely available to yourself.
⇒ The typical ‘I don’t give a damn’ reaction –
You don’t, that’s for sure.
⇒ When you’ve just had a haircut –
Did you get a haircut?
No, I accidentally sawed it all off!
⇒ What makes you think anyone is going to answer this –
Are you stupid?
Best comeback ever – No, stupid isn’t my name!
⇒ When you get a truckload of things in your shopping cart and the cashier asks you –
Are you buying this?
Someone already beat me to the best answer.
⇒ When a website asks you –
Are you human?
The CAPTCHA image sums up my exact reaction.
⇒ When someone calls/barges into your room in the middle of the night –
Were you sleeping?
No, I’m a dog. I was playing dead.
⇒ When you go to a restaurant –
Would you like a table?
No, I’m OK with only a chair.
⇒ When someone says this, loud and clear –
Did you hear me?
I’d have to be deaf not to hear you say that.
⇒ When someone needs to talk to you –
Got a minute?
How does one ‘get’ a minute? Do you buy it with cash or card? Please tell me.
⇒ When someone looks at your plate and you know it’s coming –
Are you gonna eat that?
No, but looks like you will. Here you go, freeloader.
⇒ Your make-up’s a mess, you look like a reindeer and someone asks you –
Are you crying?
No, I have mini waterfalls installed in my eyes.
⇒ These variations of silly questions –
Why didn’t you say something? Why did you do that?
Because I felt like it!
⇒ When you’re all dressed up in your best clothes and heading to the door –
Are you going somewhere?
No. I like to kill time by playing dress-up.
⇒ When you’re bleeding rivulets and someone asks –
Does it hurt? Are you in pain?
Really?! Let me whack you and see how you feel!
⇒ But my favorite is this –
Isn’t it obvious?
Heck yeah! But I just wanted to push your buttons and watch you squirm!
Hope this put a smile on your face. Have a great weekend, y’all!
Copyright ©2017 Pradita Kapahi.
All rights reserved.