A Very Pigeon-y Problem

Big cities have their benefits and problems, and then there’s a whole different level of problem – Pigeons!

If you know what I mean the picture below will make sense to you and you won’t laugh.

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Source: Pinterest

 

No, no! Don’t laugh. I am discussing a very serious matter here.

Is it just me or do cities have an abundance of these grey birds darting from one corner of a building to another, pooping over every surface that they fancy? I don’t remember them being considered a nuisance in the countryside. Ever! And I’ve lived in both the countryside and three major cities in India. And I have always found their population matching our own. Maybe even surpassing us, who knows.

Is there a pigeon population census?

No!

Why?

Because there are too many of them, that’s why!

The way they breed, they would put rabbits to shame. We should change the phrase ‘breed like rabbits‘ to ‘breed like pigeons‘ instead…

My relationship with them has been like that with a friendly neighbour. The kind you take a casserole of hot rajma to in the beginning just so you could welcome them and make them feel at home in your locality. When I saw one pigeon family tirelessly collecting twigs and bits of dried grass to make their nest on my windowsill, I ooh-ed and aah-ed and took so many pictures you’d think I was having grandkids. When those little eggs hatched and two twittering baby-pigeons appeared, I took even more pictures and I put up a bird feeder so the new family wouldn’t have to forage too far for food. I was feeling positively philanthropic.

It used to bother me sometimes how they would hog all the bird feed in that feeder, leaving none for the other birdies around, and then leave a trail of poop on my prized plants and balcony furniture, and just about everywhere where they plopped, but I ignored it. I would just scrub their shit out while listening to their merry gooter-goo!

But when I saw worms wriggling about in their nest and oh god, the stench! The stench of baby pigeons and their poop everywhere could make you gag, then faint, then wake up and gag and faint again! It was time to get rid of them.

But I couldn’t just shoo away the poor things, leave them homeless. So I waited till the babies grew up into teen pigeons and would fight and create a ruckus on my window so I’d have to keep that window closed forever. It would be a hundred degrees inside the room on a hot summer day, but I would have to keep the window shut and the curtains down, and their squawking would drive me mad. I waited till their parents taught them how to fly. And I was happy, no genuinely, I was happy that they had begun to fly. You see, a part of me still felt attached to them, like they were my own family.

But OMG! Before they had even flown out the female had tumbled out another set of eggs. WTF! At that point my husband firmly told me that they had outlived their welcome – we had to get rid of the nest and the eggs. So we gingerly brushed up the nest and the eggs into a cardboard box (we had gloves on so our scent wouldn’t transfer onto the nest and the eggs) and took it to our backyard in a cozy corner where they could find as much comfort as one could imagine. After a week, we found them again, busily gathering twigs for another nest in the same spot. We’ve since put a makeshift fence on that window to keep them away.

But now they persistently find new spots around the house. Their absolute favourite now is the spot under my washing machine that is kept out in the dry balcony. Yes, UNDER the washing machine. I mean, who in the world could live in a place as precarious as that?! One wobble of the washing machine and either their eggs or their heads could be squished under the machinery. But Pigeons are resilient and persistent. Yo Mr Devil, forget about recruiting dogs and wolves and crows. Recruit these pigeons instead. They’ll bring on Armageddon with just their poop!

I have lost count of the number of times I’ve shooed them away and brushed away their nests. I almost feel bad for ruining their handiwork but oh god, could they not be any more obtuse?! You’re not welcome anymore, Mr and Mrs Pigeon!

 

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Source: giphy.com

 

They’ve become desperate now to make a nest just about anywhere and tumble out their eggs. I’ve had to brush off their nest from disused plant-pots to stacked cardboard boxes waiting to be thrown away. They’ve even managed to pull off the safety mesh on my bathroom window and I have to frequently shoo them out of the bathroom. Plus they poop in there. Uggggghhhh!

But today was the worst. I had returned home after dropping off my daughter at school and I entered my study only to find the Mister and Missus crazily flapping their wings about and banging into the mesh that opens out into the balcony. They had toppled down my husband’s prized scale-model car that had been displayed on one of the shelves. Thankfully, it came to no harm because of the protective display box it was encased in, but we’ll definitely have to get a new display case for it. And boy, if he was around these pigeons would have been Kentucky Fried Chicken-ed! No one touches my husband’s scale model cars but the man himself.

So now they’ve started invading my own home to make their own. I am at my wit’s end. What am I supposed to do to make them stop littering in my house and pooping everywhere?! I’m pretty sure they are the number 1 most invasive species on the planet. They’re everywhere! Someday our world would be ruled by pigeons who have crapped on every surface. This is a prophecy, people!

 

I’ve become the statue, literally!

Now excuse me while I shoo away the pigeons from my bathroom… again!


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Copyright ©2018 Pradita Kapahi.

All rights reserved.

Featured Image: Wheresmysammich

30 thoughts on “A Very Pigeon-y Problem

  1. Today morning I removed my bike for a drive, which have been lying idle from over a month now, I still remember I had washed and kept it, but all it had over it was the poop of pigeons. Yes this birds have learn to live with humans. They have adapted themselves nicely. Tall building or dense residential area suits them and as we are cutting down the trees, we have to accommodate them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • We have to accomodate them yes. But you see their variety is such that never seeks trees to nest anyway. City pigeons are rock pigeons who used to make their homes in cracks in rocks and stones. Now they do it in our homes. I had no problems initially, but not inside the house, please!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Now that you put up that point I realise that actually the pigeons have a population explosion. All over the place. There’s definitely something about the cities that keeps them going, well spotted by the way! It’s crazy how this very problem susceptible life can get affected by Pigeons too!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m not sure if you are aware of the fact that exposure to pigeon poop causes serious lung disease. It doesn’t happen in all cases but some people are susceptible to it.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m sorry to say this but isn’t this because we are cutting away their homes? destroying trees and they have literally no where else to go? When we take away their homes, they have to live within ours. We need to live in co-exist.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My dear girl, I agree that we need to co-exist and that’s EXACTLY what I did for their first few families. Maybe you skipped reading those parts of my write-up. Making a nest under the washing machine isn’t exactly a smart idea, is it? And city pigeons are not the kinds who roost on trees. EVER! They roost deliberately in human buildings to keep their natural predators away. As long as they don’t make a nest INSIDE my home, I’m fine with that. I hope you understand now what I’m trying to get at.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. 😂😂😂😂!!
    I laughed so hard reading that first meme…. But then your warning ‘don’t laugh’, knocked the smile off my face.
    Being a Delhiite is not helpful when you don’t like pigeon crap, I guess 🙄

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Haha! Thank you for the laughs, Pradita, but I know that there are no laughs for you. We have our fleet of desert pigeons here too, but not much of a trouble as they are all carefully locked out. I hope the birds get your message as much as they enjoyed your welcome.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You got me cracking up on this post. My first thought when I read this post is, ‘Phew, I am not the only one battling this issue…” My daily routine is bombarded by pigeons that invade my balcony, they make it so dirty that no amount of cleaning makes me feel its clean again because they are back to make it dirty again and no matter what I do to keep them off my space, they find a way to come back stronger!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I know what you’re saying. They poop everywhere – balconies, clothes, vehicles, what not. I mean there are other kinds of birds in the city too but I’ve never seen them poop so much as pigeons. What, do they have diarrhoea?

      Liked by 1 person

  8. hahaha… i loved this.
    I have my neighbour who has permanently give up his kitchen window to the pigeons.. and since last 5 years generations of pigeons has hatched, littered and flown away.. leaving other desparate pairs to fight it out to show who is the mightiest of all.. and yea all they do is tumble out the eggs,, warm them and poop all over the place… the stench is filthy…yuuuuckkkk

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Sometimes they get “shit-scared” and shit all over the place while one is battling to shoo them away. Yucky ducky yuck duck. And the constant fear of their wings being cut by the fan-blades! Once a pigeon …… I hate cleaning up after them. They get in through even the minutest of cracks, as also the ventilators above the window that one never thinks of covering up! You have a brought up a mighty fine point here, they seem to be out-populating humans!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know what you mean. We’re more worried about them dying than ever considering hurting them but the stupid creatures have brought death upon them so many times just because the wanna best at weird places. 😬

      Like

      • They want to nest at weird places — you mean? Yeah, under a washing-machine does sound pretty… erm… evolved. 😀 The problem with these creatures is either they are super-smart or, and I would like this to be considered, super-stupid. Evolving the wrong way, are they?

        Like

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