Who Am I?

I hate my skin right now.
I wish I could peel it off
Layer by layer
Shed each layer –
Wife, daughter, mother, woman.
Me!

Live unencumbered,
No enclosures
No censures
No restraints
On who, or where
Or what I be.

I hate that you think
That I should just be so –
Pretty, charming, polite,
An empty canvas for you
To paint your
Expectations upon,
To your own delight.

I hate that I must say ‘yes’
When I know it’s a no;
When it should be no.
I hate that I have no control.

Sometimes all I want is to be alone.
And sometimes I just want
Someone to hold.
Sometimes just an ear to bitch,
Sometimes a shoulder to lean on.

But mostly I just hate
How I know I’m this and that
To everyone.
But ‘who am I’,
I don’t know.


Copyright Β© 2018 Pradita Kapahi

Image Credits: Pradita Kapahi 2017

47 thoughts on “Who Am I?

  1. I see you, the real you, the beautiful human that you are.. The ‘avatars’ that you mentioned aren’t like veils that hide this beauty, rather they’re like perspectives to different dimensions of how beautiful you’re.. 😊

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  2. There’s so much frustration and pain in these words. And it’s so universal in the Indian context… ego and expectations hide the real person who’s dancing to the tune.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes Arv. I was feeling frustrated at the time, as I’m sure many must when wishes are imposed on them that aren’t to our tastes. But because we are expected to, we plough along. Thank you for reading and commenting

      Liked by 1 person

      • Pradita, I strongly feel that our society needs to change. Yes, we are changing but unfortunately, wishes of women especially daughter in law and many times even daughter is ignored. One of the ugliest side of our culture…at least I feel that way. For this reason alone, I think it’s better not to marry and suffer!

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        • Exactly my thoughts on marriage. I have been married for nearly 8 years now and I’ve seen many other marriages form and break as well. And I just don’t get why all this fuss for physical need and togetherness which can perfectly happen even outside of a marriage? I see not only the women as victims in this, but even men, when they have to bend to the wishes of those in the matrimonial home just to keep the marriage intact. They may not have to do it as much as the women int he equation, but they have to suffer just as much.

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          • A valid point, Pradita. Things are already changing with many people choosing career as a preference over a marriage. While traditionalist cry over the western influence, they don’t realise that unless mindset changes people will make a choice. Yes, the marriage has ceased to offer many things it used to. There are new equations. Good or bad? It’s all relative. I just couldn’t agree more with you here.

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  3. This is a question I guess everyone asks at one point in life. Life goes on like a template pattern… School ..college..work..marriage..so on. But your poem have tones of how frustrating it is for woman in particular. Very simple and strong way of communication.wonderful!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Well, if you don’t know who you are , how are we supposed to? LOL πŸ™‚ Seriously, though, great poem. Expectations and inferences can be so odious. Be you. What we see here is pretty darn good.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I don’t understand why someone is ruled by another or few others…??? Why can’t we be bit considerate to other’s passion and desire or wishes… Can’t we guide them lovingly instead of forcing or levying them…? Girls are mostly the victims of this force issue or being ruled by few others… 😏πŸ˜₯πŸ˜ͺ😫

    As usual superb poem to present a simple issue of life. God bless you abundantly Sis Pradita.

    Liked by 2 people

    • We can’t be considerare because we weren’t built that way, Dada. We are each individuals run by our own individual needs. These talks about the good of the society and the benefit of the community, these are all hogwash that try to reign in the individuality of a human being who essentially likes to do his own thing. But while some people can turn away from forcing their wishes on others, others cannot because that sense of expressing their individuality is strong in them. It’s multiplied by the norms of our misguided society. And that’s why there is this imbalance – these factions of oppressors and oppressed. And in this sense animals have it worse than us because you either are a part of the group or you’re dead as an outsider. In short, life is cruel. It was always about survival of the fittest.

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