I hate my skin right now.
I wish I could peel it off
Layer by layer
Shed each layer –
Wife, daughter, mother, woman.
Me!
Live unencumbered,
No enclosures
No censures
No restraints
On who, or where
Or what I be.
I hate that you think
That I should just be so –
Pretty, charming, polite,
An empty canvas for you
To paint your
Expectations upon,
To your own delight.
I hate that I must say ‘yes’
When I know it’s a no;
When it should be no.
I hate that I have no control.
Sometimes all I want is to be alone.
And sometimes I just want
Someone to hold.
Sometimes just an ear to bitch,
Sometimes a shoulder to lean on.
But mostly I just hate
How I know I’m this and that
To everyone.
But ‘who am I’,
I don’t know.
Copyright © 2018 Pradita Kapahi
Image Credits: Pradita Kapahi 2017
I see you, the real you, the beautiful human that you are.. The ‘avatars’ that you mentioned aren’t like veils that hide this beauty, rather they’re like perspectives to different dimensions of how beautiful you’re.. 😊
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Thank you so much for the encouragement 😀🙏
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Now don’t get all formal. 😛
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Ouch! Touché…
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Fabulous! Really wonderful writing…
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Thanks a lot Grabbety 😊
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There’s so much frustration and pain in these words. And it’s so universal in the Indian context… ego and expectations hide the real person who’s dancing to the tune.
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Yes Arv. I was feeling frustrated at the time, as I’m sure many must when wishes are imposed on them that aren’t to our tastes. But because we are expected to, we plough along. Thank you for reading and commenting
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Pradita, I strongly feel that our society needs to change. Yes, we are changing but unfortunately, wishes of women especially daughter in law and many times even daughter is ignored. One of the ugliest side of our culture…at least I feel that way. For this reason alone, I think it’s better not to marry and suffer!
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Exactly my thoughts on marriage. I have been married for nearly 8 years now and I’ve seen many other marriages form and break as well. And I just don’t get why all this fuss for physical need and togetherness which can perfectly happen even outside of a marriage? I see not only the women as victims in this, but even men, when they have to bend to the wishes of those in the matrimonial home just to keep the marriage intact. They may not have to do it as much as the women int he equation, but they have to suffer just as much.
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A valid point, Pradita. Things are already changing with many people choosing career as a preference over a marriage. While traditionalist cry over the western influence, they don’t realise that unless mindset changes people will make a choice. Yes, the marriage has ceased to offer many things it used to. There are new equations. Good or bad? It’s all relative. I just couldn’t agree more with you here.
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You are powerful here, Pradita.
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Thanks a lot Lee ☺️
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This is a question I guess everyone asks at one point in life. Life goes on like a template pattern… School ..college..work..marriage..so on. But your poem have tones of how frustrating it is for woman in particular. Very simple and strong way of communication.wonderful!
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Thank you so much Hira. And I know you would get it because you juggle the same roles while still clutching on to who you think you are.
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You are a darling…💕
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So are you dear gal!
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At some point in our lives, we all ask the same question, I guess… Nice one, Pradita! 🙂
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Thanks a lot 🙂
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Different emotions that we go through – beautifully conveyed, pradita 👌
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Thanks Deepika 🙂
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Well, if you don’t know who you are , how are we supposed to? LOL 🙂 Seriously, though, great poem. Expectations and inferences can be so odious. Be you. What we see here is pretty darn good.
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Simon, thank you for that encouragement. Unfortunately, what you see here is not what I can afford being at all times in real life because many people would object to it. I’d be just as lonely as I felt when I was writing this.
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Yes. I know. We play various roles. But the one here feels closer to who we deeply think we are.
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That’s true. Here we feel somewhat unfettered. I wish it could be translated into reality 🙂
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Wow, awesome, this one for sure flowed like a stream on mountains. Wrote in lot of anger I think so?
Lovely poem. Enjoyed it thoroughly. 😊😊
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Thanks a lot. And you got it right. Wrote in anger. Only when you’re in a state of heightened emotions does poetry come out, I think. Thanks for reading and commenting 😊
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Yes you are so right. When emotions, no matter what type they are, whenever they are at pinnacle, a poem blossoms among it. I remember once I was so angry on my boss and my job, and wrote a poem after that. Even today when I read I realized what a bad day it was.
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That’s true. Share the link if toh posted it on your blog, please. Would love to read.
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Well I have not posted it and I don’t think I will ever post it. But I will like to tell you, on that day when I my anger took me to a level which I have never been, I understood one fact. I was not angry on my boss or my job. I was angry on myself that day, because I have a choice to quit this shit and do something else.
That poem which I wrote that day, taught me many things in my life.
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Oh, that’s deep. I hope you did quit that job. I remember how I was in a similar position once in my career and I just quit. I was instantly a happier and better person. Some things are just not worth it.
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Well I am in a process of quitting the job. Thank you for understanding me. The job was much worth, but maybe I had it too much. Nothing was left in me for that job anymore so I was getting frustrated, and also my priorities are shifting.
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Aah. Life changes. Jobs need to change too. All the best for the future 😊
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You too have all your best wishes.😊👍
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I am sorry, I meant all my best wishes.
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I got that. No worries 😉
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To be honest, it was hard to read. So much emotion is bursting from every single word. Loved it💜🌼🌼
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Thank you so much babe 😘
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Absolutely wonderful and beautifully said! This is what I almost said on my About page and what Infinite Living means to me – no role or name to play just truly being me.
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Yes, I was just discussing this with another blogger that to many of us here on the blogosphere, this is probably the only place where we’re truly ourselves. How sad is that?
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True, it takes continual courage to break shells and truly Be in the world.
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Yes. Thanks for always reading and commenting 😊
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You are welcome 🙂
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Label can take one’s identity away. You have tapped into the emotions with a certain sensitivity. Superb.
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Thanks a lot Vishal.
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I don’t understand why someone is ruled by another or few others…??? Why can’t we be bit considerate to other’s passion and desire or wishes… Can’t we guide them lovingly instead of forcing or levying them…? Girls are mostly the victims of this force issue or being ruled by few others… 😏😥😪😫
As usual superb poem to present a simple issue of life. God bless you abundantly Sis Pradita.
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We can’t be considerare because we weren’t built that way, Dada. We are each individuals run by our own individual needs. These talks about the good of the society and the benefit of the community, these are all hogwash that try to reign in the individuality of a human being who essentially likes to do his own thing. But while some people can turn away from forcing their wishes on others, others cannot because that sense of expressing their individuality is strong in them. It’s multiplied by the norms of our misguided society. And that’s why there is this imbalance – these factions of oppressors and oppressed. And in this sense animals have it worse than us because you either are a part of the group or you’re dead as an outsider. In short, life is cruel. It was always about survival of the fittest.
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