Anyone who knows me knows that I have two sides – the uber friendly, fun-loving, outgoing 16 something, and the people hating, leave-me-alone-in-my-pyjamas type 40 something who’ll scare away anyone who dares to disturb her lone time.
For sometime I had thought that maybe I was crazy. I liked to make friends but I couldn’t maintain friendships. I would avoid talking with or meeting them and instead prefer things like reading a book, watching TV or cleaning out the refrigerator. I wouldn’t answer calls or messages.
I always knew I was an introvert but I didn’t know that there were degrees to introversion.
Now I know that I love having friends, but I don’t want them hanging around me all the time. I love my lone time. And that’s an understatement. My lone time centres me, recharges me, gives me time to collect my scattered thoughts and solidify my resolves. If I don’t have my lone time at least once in the day, I feel drained. And that’s another understatement. Parties exhaust me and I readily turn down outings just so I can relax by myself. I can’t be expected to talk or plan something with just anyone just because they are on my contact list. I can’t do that!
At the same time there are days when I crave attention, companionship, I want to dress up and sing and dance and share silly jokes with my mates.
Oh, and then there’s the other problem that introverts have – their mates. They may be friendly with everyone but they have very few friends and those are the ONLY ones they like to socialize with, that is whenever they decide to step out of their shell at all.
So dear ‘friends’, I apologize for having shut you out at times and making you feel like you’re unwanted. It’s not that. I want to be friends, I want your company, and that’s why I’m explaining this to you. I want you but I don’t want you all the time. If you know what I mean, if you still get this, wait for this turtle to pop out of her shell again and then I promise you, I’ll be a shoulder to cry on, a drinking buddy, a debating partner or whatever you want me to be.
Copyright © 2018 Pradita Kapahi.