Not Good Enough

/ October 3, 2018

I look in the mirror
And what do I see?
My crown of brown
Speckled with white.
Eyes sunken into the skull,
Spider webs stretched across my face,
Lines around the mouth
Where emotions rest –
A smile, a frown, a thin line of dissent.
Lips that move to soothe,
To kiss and caress,
Or to rebuke, to redress.

I’m a lover and a mentor.

I look to either side of me.
I see my hands and feet –
Rough, callused, marked,
By time, trial and tenacity.
Blue veins slithering down –
Turgid rivers of dirty red.
Creaking fingers warping with age
Soles dry and cracked for want of care,
Care that I’ve given to someone else.
A crosshatch of meaningless lines
Etched on my palms; going nowhere.
My horoscope says otherwise, but I don’t care.

I’m a worker and a nurturer.

When I look further down
I see half a globe,
Rotund, flabby, browned;
An undulating horizon
With a yawning hole in its centre.
The hole filled with me,
But the whole of my being
Etched in that crescent-shaped mark
That lies further down –
My smiling scar.
This is my belly,
Once home to another being
Who now resides in my heart.

I’m a mother and a martyr.
I’m a creator.

But when I look around me
I see myself in you and her
In him and in those in between.
I see strength and capabilities,
And I wonder,
How is it that when we are
So many people within one being,
We still feel we aren’t good enough?
Whose validation do we seek?

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Copyright ©2018 Pradita Kapahi.

All rights reserved.

Image: Pradita Kapahi.

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